Is... ?

Sorry Lady Gaga, the American public thinks you have a penis.

Also, props to the Mayans for creating almost as much of a stir about 2012 as there was about 2000 without having been smart enough to invent the wheel.

Is Khloe Kardashian pregnant? I don't know, I didn't see that sex tape.

Is pneumonia contagious? Again, I don't know, perhaps you should ask someone who died from it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Deaths_from_pneumonia.

Does... ?

Google is, of course, an oracle that can answer even the most retarded questions. Does he like me? Yes! This is even cheaper than buying a magic 8-ball!

Google can also answer the most deep questions in life: does extenze work, and, more importantly, does extenze really work?

I have another question, if extenze really did work and you paid for it, would you be more likely to have sex? Of course! The only thing that a woman cares about -- especially one who has never (and will never) see you naked -- is the size of your penis.

Why Does... ?

Speechless...

Is Google Racist?

It is a question that so many Americans want to ask: "Why are... ?" But before we can type our question, Google is nice enough to suggest some options. Here is what we all want to know:

Why are...

Black people so loud? Because Google is Racist

The Kardashian's famous? Because Kim made a good sex tape

Michael Jackson's kids white? Because they're scared of his ghost

There school? ... self-explanatory

We here? I don't know, but the Kardashians are a bigger mystery.

This is the first installment of what I like to call "What would Google say?"

Moving to Maryland? Bring your MasterCard!

Maryland state vehicle inspection: $75

Fixing perfectly running car to pass vehicle inspection: $1200

Maryland Income Taxes - Michigan Income Taxes for one year: $1100

Receiving a letter saying you have to come take a vehicle emissions test and pay $14: $14

New driver's license: $40

Corrected driver's license (because MVA screwed up your birthday on the first one): $30

(total $2459)

Living in a state where you can't buy beer at a grocery store: priceless

Baseball Analogies

I must have wasted a good fifteen minutes during lunch today trying to fully understand the game of baseball, an American classic. Everyone knows first base, second base, third base, and home plate, so I'll skip those.

Infield Fly - When you try to ask a girl out by stalking her and sending her an e-mail

RBI - Being a good wingman

Double Play - Being a bad wingman

Triple Play - Probably going to get your ass kicked

The Minor Leagues - Alcohol

Little League - GHB

Randy Johnson - Adriana Lima

Tim Wakefield - A lesbian

Sacrifice Bunt - Bunts are kind of quick and sneaky, but rarely result in getting to first base yourself. A sac bunt is when your buddy is talking to a girl, you walk up and grab her ass, then he punches you in the face.

Sacrifice Fly - Less sneaky than a bunt. Your friend is talking to girl. You walk up to her friend and ask if she wants to have sex. If she says "Ewww, no," then he punches you in the face. If she says yes... well sometimes those fly balls go over the fence.

Grand Slam - Gangbang, definitely gangbang